The Weekend That Was: Round 5

And just like that we are a handful of rounds in! Just when you think your team is starting to settle those dreaded byes creep closer and closer… Not to mention the under-performing premos and predictable (but not pleasant) bullets we copped this week! Hope you had a better Easter weekend than yours truly… At least there were some choccies to munch on!

It’s Monday night… let us “debrief” with The Weekend That Was!

Brisbane Lions vs Collingwood


Crisp (125) – Crispy may just be the most durable footballer I have ever seen, having chalked up his 168th straight game on Thursday night… incredible stuff! Only space cadets didn’t start with him.

Neale (119) – Quality. The Brownlow medallist notched up 200 games in style with a lazy 33 disposals, 5 marks and 5 tackles! Essential.

Luggage (110) – That’s more like it Hugh – he owes his loyal coaches a few big ones! Takes his season average to a miserly 89…

Zorko (109) Fun fact: Zorks does not have a score between 45 and 108 so far this season! Predictably unpredictable from Mr Boom-Bust himself!


Grundy (54)

Rayner (53) Compare the pair… Rayner vs Brodie. Same age (almost), same income, same starting balance. The difference? One’s a gun, the other is a useless hack imitating an elite-level footballer week-in, week-out! Unfortunately if you did start with Cam, it’s wayyyy too late to make the switch… You’d have to sell the farm to make it happen!

Sidebottom (51) – Can’t be too long left in those old, hairy legs before Sidey hangs up the boots… Shouldn’t go too hard on Steele considering I share a birthday with him!

Western Bulldogs vs Good Friday Pretenders (Norf)


Bazlenka (147) – Alright… all instagram/Tik Tok gags aside, the man is legit this season! He averages 135! That’s pig like numbers… He plays virtually 100% game time and runs harder than anyone. With a star-studded Dogs midfield around him, coaches will be hoping he doesn’t start copping proper attention from opponents!

Macrae (119) – You just rest easier knowing you’ve locked J.Macrae into your side… Can’t imagine what it’s like for non-owners watching Macca rack up week-in, week-out. Could have been 140 if he didn’t spend extra time on the pine toward the end of Q3 with a concussion assessment. You will need him in your side at some point this season!

Xerri (86) – Honestly I seem to recall Xerri dropping about 5 sodas… still gets to 86 with an average at best performance… Essential for any coach taking this game seriously!


Hunter (66)Fun fact: In 2018, Hunter averaged >105… seems worlds apart. Dogs had 8 blokes who cracked the ton and a team average of 82 and this is all Lachie could muster… Pathetic.

Hall (50) – Ouch… Aaron was on track for another fantasy ton when his hammy went ‘ping’ in the dying stages of Q2! Looked to be serious so hopefully you have some $$$ up your sleeve.

Ziebell (46)Virtually unsighted for a good chunk of this match… Life’s tough when you only see the ball in your area once every 15 minutes as opposed to every 30 seconds! Trade, trade, trade.

Sydney vs Glorified Traffic Cones (West Coast)


Parker (123) – A nice light training run for Parks chalking up with 26 disposals, 8 marks, 5 tackles and 2 goals. Ran rings around the glorified traffic cones!

Heeney (103)How in the f*ck did I miss out on probably the most obvious starting selection of the season… Another week, another big middle finger to John’s Juggernauts and all the other non-astute coaches that were overthinking it! Could have been 120 if Horse didn’t have him sit on the pine for the last 8 minutes of their training run.

Naish (82) – This man just keeps getting the job done for coaches far and wide… Kudos if you are in the 5% of coaches who own this mature-aged, money making machine! Cha-Ching!


Kelly (69) – Many were considering TK as an ‘under-priced premo’ coming into season 2022. If this is what he is running with that label will quickly become ‘over-priced spud.’

Shuey (65)Shuey’s performance basically summed up West Coast’s night… lacklustre, uninspiring, listless, woeful, f*cked – you get my drift!

McCartin (39) – Will actually start losing cash now… Sadly defender rooks aren’t exactly jumping out at us! Thank f*ck we get Daicos DPP!

St Kilda vs Gold Coast


Marshall (108)Whaddaya know? Ryder out of the side and Marshall re-assumes the #1 ruck role on his way to a fantasy ton… predictable.

Gresham (99)Gresh has flown under the radar but has 4/5 85+ scores so far this season! He has added $114K to his starting price and is set for another big price rise – hats off to you if you started with him. Bought up 100 games in style!

Hayes (70) – To think this bloke was running around in the SANFL while St Kilda were playing Paul Hunter as #1 ruck last season is inconceivable… A journeyman in every sense of the word and if you held, watch the $$$ roll in! You’d think Hayes is safe for another week with Ryder still suspended.


Rowell (66) – Might well give him the nickname ‘Mediocre Matt’ after a second score of 66 in as many weeks… Patience is wearing thin for the 45%+ of coaches who ran with him! If you can get to a big dog I wouldn’t be opposed to flicking him…

Windhager (36)*shudders* 36… Just thinking about that number gives me severe migraines! Let’s just hope he wasn’t on your field covering the great man P.Cripps… Heartbeat on your bench at best!

Rankine (28)

Adelaide vs Richmond


Keays (114)Another week, another ton from the most underrated fantasy player in the competition… Don’t expect a ‘price drop’ anytime soon because the man is a machine!

Tex (99) – I’m sure no Crom fans condone what Tex did… but how good was it to have him back at home kicking goals for fun! May have even earned himself the 3 brownlow votes!


Crouch (78) – Not a terrible score but as an owner I’m worried… Berry, the 18-gamer who just walked back into the side got a gig at the opening bounce while Matt sat on the pine! He seemed to butcher it a lot as well which doesn’t matter for Fantasy but won’t help his cause for increased time on ground! If you’ve got nothing pressing… it may just be time to pull the trigger.

Short (72) – Like a lot of his team mates, appeared to be running around like Browns Cows! Seemingly running circles in the hope the ball would find its way into his lap… Has been awesome so far this season so it’s a definite hold.

Bolton (49)23 disposals, 16 contested possessions, 10 clearances… you’d be forgiven for thinking Shai had a blinder! He’s just not a fantasy friendly footballer – period.

Ralphsmith (40)Oh Hugo… the one week I actually need you on field to fill in for Crippa you drop a hapless 40! Seriously, having this long-haired yahoo on your field regularly would be enough to give Panadol a headache…

Melbourne vs GWS


Max (132)Max taking the P155 out of the Giants… shock me! #1 ruck in the comp by so far it’s not even funny. 21 disposals, 5 marks, 6 tackles and thousands of simultaneous ‘F you’s’ to all the coaches who folded!

Ward (115) – A bit random but credit where credit is due… Not relevant for classic at the moment but may gain defender status in the first batch of DPPs – watch this space! Ultra unique with just 0.24% ownership! I suspect this will increase if he does indeed get that defender status.

Whit (101) – About time, sh*t Whit! Long overdue for half the competition that owns him. He clearly benefitted from the ball being in the defensive half three-quarters of the time! Hopefully a similar story next Friday night when they face the Sainters.


Cogs (98) – Now this may be a little harsh… but, 16 minutes in to the 2nd qtr Cogs was on 60! Yes, 60! The sky was the limit until he turned into an absolute crab for the rest of the game… Is scoring fine but seems to have patches in games where he goes completely missing.

Haynes (37)

Carlton vs Port Adelaide


Walsh (113)Young Walshy was low-key on track for 200 at qtr time after racking up 16 disposals in Q1 alone! Slowed down a little but very nice indeed for the 4% of the competition running with him. Not sure if the kid has ever had a shave he’s that young!

Rozee (113) – I still wasn’t sure if we’d found Connor after he went missing on Saturday March 19 about 7:10pm Brisbane time… Incredibly, this takes his season average to a paltry 58! He seemed to have a bit more opportunity on ball today and broke the lines with his speed and silky ball use. Coaches will be hoping this continues for the foreseeable future – I mean, what do Port have to lose at this point?

Butters (109) – After a couple of quieter weeks, Zac bounced back with a vengeance! Even when Port were getting d*cked in the 1st half, he was scoring well… Given Port are so sh*t, I can’t see the mid-role being taken away from him – happy days for us Fantasy coaches!

They’ve got the glorified traffic cones next week… you couldn’t pay me enough to sit there from siren to siren! Instead of sending people to jail, make them sit through the equivalent of torture for 120 minutes next Saturday evening…

Curnow (102) – Another dominant 5 goal display from Charlie… good to see him get a decent run at it following several injury-riddled seasons. He has actually been awesome from a Fantasy perspective since that round 1 debacle of 31, averaging 86 from round 2-5.


Williams (72)Zac back to his crab ways… surprise me! Seems to lurk around in the hope that someone will sacrifice going forward to give him a touch… Any Carlton supporters disagree?

Docherty (71)Anomaly. Don’t panic – he’ll be fine! Don’t be a galoot and trade a top-6 defender off the back of one bad week!

Kennedy (59) – After such a bright start to the season with 3 tons in as many weeks… Kennedy has come crashing back to earth with a thud with a 69 and a 59. Hope you didn’t get roped in by the early form – stepping stone to an uber premo at best!

Aliir (21) – I can see why Port rushed him back into the side given they are a such a basket case… But, the Curnow/McKay combination shat all over him! Clearly underdone.

Essendon vs Freo


Brayshaw (123) – This kid is a jet! Just another lazy 34 disposals and a goal bringing his season average to 126! I’ve flagged it previously, but he is now the big dog in that midfield… Coaches will be hoping opposition teams continue with the ‘head-to-head’* strategy rather than a hard tag!

*Head-to-head strategy – where opposing midfielders shake hands (or bump elbows) at the opening bounce then literally social distance for half an hour.

Serong (107) – Was hyped during the preseason, and you can see why with performances like this… Only 3% ownership after a couple weeks off with injury.

Heppell (103) – About time from the seasoned veteran who always seems to be on the treadmill for the entire 120 minutes… Benefitted from Freo’s dominance and bulk inside 50’s! Low blows aside, he has been better the last 3 weeks but I don’t think he’ll do enough to challenge the top 6 defenders.


Caldwell (67) – Oh Jye, you were supposed to fill the void when one of your prime movers in Zach Merrett went down in round 2… should be easy enough to stand out in a team that belongs in the NEAFL…

Ridley (66)

Hind (45) – Wow… Thank god Hindy wasn’t dropping scores like this when we needed him last season! Much like the rest of his team mates, woeful!

Hawthorn vs Geelong


Sicily (118)F*ck me sideways… another obvious starting selection missed by John’s Juggernauts. Had a huuuuge 62 points in the first quarter – amazing how often the Geelong spuds were hitting Sic Dawg on the tit! My only explanation is they must be astute Fantasy coaches and actually own him… He’s due a 50 and a brain explosion!

Newcombe (113)Jai seems to be benefitting from Sam Mitchell’s philosophy of giving the young boys more responsibility! First of many 30+ disposal games from the Hawks bull.

Selwood (111) – Seemed to be booed the whole game… not sure what the Hawks fans problem is? Fair to say they had dry throats by the end of the day with Selwood racking up 26 disposals, 10 tackles and 3 Frees for.


Phillips (39) – How was this guy ever a consideration in Fantasy?! Had 40%+ ownership at the start of last season, luckily most coaches have wised-up and don’t own the astronaut!

De Koning (33) – In what universe is this prepubescent Goldilocks a ‘cult hero’?! Apparently down at the Cattery – built different. He was 0 points 24 minutes into Q2, 0! In almost a half of footy, De Koning had done the equivalent of watch paint dry…!

Grainger-Barras (19)

The Juggernaut Review


Question: If you could describe your season thus far in one word, what would it be?

Answer: Hangover.

Dictionary enthusiasts far and wide take note – you have a new definition of hangover: John’s Juggernauts. Nuff said.

Honestly, this team is in more sh*t than a Werribee duck! Slide into the DMs for my username and password and feel free to look after my spud farm! No returns policy!

Cannot believe I trusted a bloke named Hugo to fill in on my field… There’s 70-90 points down the gurgler! Way to go you long-haired yahoo! F*ck me, Crippa better be back this week… This ‘short term pain’ thing better be worth it. These DPPs could not have come at a better time and I daresay I will be making them useful from the get go with Daicos slotting into my backline. Hopefully I can generate enough cash to get one of my under-performing mid-pricers up to a big dog… only time will tell!

Thanks again legends and share how you went in the comments!

Yours in Fantasy,

Fantasy Fanatic #70


2 thoughts on “The Weekend That Was: Round 5

  1. Pingback: AFL Fantasy Round 6 Ready: Captains, Rookie Radar and Final Thoughts | Fantasy Fanatic

  2. Pingback: The Weekend That Was: Round 9 | Fantasy Fanatic

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