Round 12… The first week of a months worth of byes was largely fruitful for coaches, particularly those fielding over 18 and in doing so ridding themselves of those horsesh*t 30’s…

Read on for you weekly fix of corrosive footy chat!

12 down, 12 to go… Must be time for The Weekend That Was!

Melbourne vs Carlton

Studs

Petracca (118) – Relishing an Oliver-less midfield… Someone has to get the disposals and Petracca has 30 and 32 touches over the past fortnight respectively!

Cerra (111) – Has been one of Carlton’s better players in what has been a disappointing campaign for the Baggers! That makes it five tons in his last seven outings.

Rooooo (77) – Fair to say the Dees faithful were on the butter menthols after yelling out Rooooo the most times since his debut… 16 touches, 7 marks and a goal in a nice early bye surprise. Let the $$$ roll in!

Duds

Cripps (68) –

Walsh (55) – Huh? Where the f*ck did that come from?! Incredible to think that for those fielding more than 18 that Walsh’s score could feasibly be left out!

Cincotta (39) – Speaking of fielding 18… Please tell me if you had the Discount Pharmacy you fielded at least 19!

Port vs Hawthorn

Studs

Butters (129) – Pure domination. Helped by the fact no Hawks players were in the same postcode when the wee lad was getting bulk possessions! He has got to be a top-6 forward on form alone at present.

Rozee (121) – Ringa ringa Rozee taking the p155 out of what was a woeful Hawks midfield on Saturday arvo. 29 touches, 8 marks and a snag!

Weddle (80) – How about that for a lift?! Not sure what they put in his half-time gatorade but Weddle came out a different player in the second half and it reflected in his scoring. Enjoyed a couple of kick-ins in the absence of Sic Dawg!

Duds

Day (70) – He simply hasn’t reached the same heights as prior to his two week suspension… I don’t think it’s panic stations but there is now a large crop of defenders ahead of him!

Newcombe (58) – Lowest score of the season… F*ck I hope you had more than 18-19 playing this week!

West Coast vs Collingwood

Studs

Sheed (138) – Wowzers! We knew this guy liked the match-up but f*ck me, that was something else! That’s 2×135+ scores in the past three weeks. Coaches will strongly consider if bye structure allows.

Mtichell (124) – Make that 3×110+ scores in the past month! Coaches who have kept the faith have been rewarded handsomely of late.

N.Daicos (114) – Coaches would have been slightly puzzled with Nick only managing a couple of kicks in the first 20 minutes… He then proceeded to put on about +17 in a 30 second patch and didn’t look back. 30 touches, 3 goals and probably 3 votes!

Kelly (112) – Whilst the Eagles have been nothing short of horsesh*t, this guy can hold his head high. To average 100+ in a team who only get the ball when the opposition kick a point is some achievement!

Duds

De Goey (58) – *Facepalm.* Might as well stay in Perth it’s only a three hour flight to Bali… ICYMI: De Goey knocked Eli Hewett into next week with a crude, airborne, high bump. Did everything possible to extend his midseason break!

Western Bulldogs vs Geelong

Studs

English (158) –

Daniel (136) – Blimey that’s a bigger fantasy score than his height in centimetres! Recycled wee man gags aside, Daniel has been solid as a rock the past six weeks and has cashed in on more midfield minutes.

Treloar (130) – Straight back in the side like he never left. 31 touches, 11 tackles, a goal and 1 uncontested mouthguard hurl.

Libba (121) – El Homo tends to fly under the radar a bit in fantasy land but credit where credit is due! He has seven tons, one score below 80 and averages 104 – elite.

Stewart (115) – Never. In. Doubt. The ‘Marvel effect’ in full swing yet again with Stew cashing in on the conducive conditions to finish with 27 touches (of which 23 were kicks) as well as 10 marks!

Duds

Mullin (34) – With decent rookies about as rare as hens teeth, Oisin found himself as one of the most traded in players… If this is what he is running with he may become one of the most traded out players preeetty quickly!

Arty Jones (26) – I mean, at least he is a green dot?

Gold Coast vs Crom

Studs

Dawson (128) – Genuine pisstake that we can select a gun like Daws as a defender – fraudulent nowadays given his big midfield minutes! Another elite all-round performance with 30 touches, 7 marks, 6 tackles and a goal up in God’s country.

Keays (123) – One guy not anaphylactic to travel from Crom is Benny Keays. About as consistent as they come with his hunt and pressure and when he’s on the ball he’s a 100+ guy. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be banking on that!

Ando (109) – Ando has enjoyed a big fortnight in Darwin… Rumour has it he also won the bingo jackpot at Howard Springs Tav and attended the FIFO rippas on a Wednesday night! Huge!

Duds

Rowell (73) – Grrrrr. Was a popular trade target this week given their bye but left coaches with egg on their face after this! Lets hope he turns it around in R14/R15 when we’ll be calling on all stocks to navigate a tricky fortnight.

Fiorini (60) – 83% game time and a disposal efficiency of 52%… Every chance of getting the ass back to the Magoos following the Suns bye.

Pedlar (42) – Pedo has been awesome for us but gee this will hurt for teams scraping together 18…

Uwland (-3) –

BWS vs Richmond

Studs

Tim (130) – Death, taxes, and T.Taranto tonning up in fantasy. Put your house on it!

Briggs (117) – Briggs owners have more in common with powerball winners than self-respecting fantasy coaches.

Green (115) – Mr Consistent back at it again with his ninth ton in eleven games! Gee it’s nice to log on and see him entrenched at M1. His lowest disposal count this season is 27… Ridiculous!

Duds

Dusty (63) – Still a good player but not nearly as invested as he once was. Wouldn’t be touching him with a 10-foot pole.

Angwin (39) – In typical Angwin fashion, he’s gone and done an ‘Angwin.’

Essendon vs Norf

Studs

Merrett (155) – Stop it Zachy! That was bonkers. Incredible to think that this could have been a 170. The man is simply doing it all in season 2023 and 18% of the comp are rising above the rest!

Alpha Martin (111) – How this bloke went years uncited on a AFL list is anyone’s guess. He’d just about be the first picked in Brad Scott’s team each week – a testament to his consistency!

Duds

Jay-Z (73) – This could have been nasty if it wasn’t for a batch of cheap +6’s in Q4… Hall’s inclusion is clearly affecting him. I wouldn’t panic just yet but I’ll be watching closely in the coming weeks!

Greenwood (49) – Proper rotten luck this. Hugh had 49 just prior to HT until he copped a knee to the head in a marking contest rendering him concussed. This game is a piece of sh*t sometimes!

Simpkin (7) –

The Juggernaut Review

1850.

So it’s not dire straits, however, I see a bit of a spud farm beginning to emerge…

Why I took a punt on Fiorini is anyone’s guess. He’ll roam around on a wing like an astronaut, not see the ball for 20 minutes then transform into a turnover merchant when he eventually does get his obligatory touch of the aggot. My word I hope he survives selection in R14/15 alike as these later rounds (particularly R15!) are looking more difficult to navigate.

For those interested, I did manage 2/2 league wins as my third league takes a De Goey-like holiday over the coming month.

R13 will be all about trading in those St Kilda, Brisbane, Sydney and Freo players who have just come of their bye. In doing so, you offset the number of ‘red dots’ sitting in your squad come R14/15. More on that in the weekly buy, hold, fold column!

R13 should be a lot kinder to coaches (touchwood!) with only the Cats and Suns enjoying a well deserved week off! Scores in excess of 2000 are absolutely possible with most if not all squads fielding a clean 22.

So how did we all go in round 12? Flex your score in the comments below!

Best of luck over the coming bye weeks legends!

Yours in fantasy,

Fantasy fanatic #70