Round 2… Strangely, I can’t recall the last time most coaches dodged all the Thursday night bullets and had all their rookies hold! Fast forward to Sunday, and coaches would have been relatively pleased in what was a (mostly) high scoring round… Unless you own Max, in that case, ta da 2023.

As always plenty to vent about and reflect on… must be time for The Weekend That Was!

Carlton vs Geelong

Studs

Cameron (138) – Massive! If you said before the night that “Jez dobbed 6” I would’ve had Geelong easy winners… Usually we don’t touch key forwards with a 10-foot pole but the ceiling of Jez is undeniable. Still wouldn’t be touching him with a 9-foot pole, however.

Cripps (101) – Absolute bull of a man. Kick:HB ratio has never been his strong suit but if he could fix it up he’s looking at 110+ comfortably!

Hollands (77) – Hell yeah! Coaches were willing to back the youngster in on role alone and it paid off in spades! Hollands roamed a wing for most of the night and used his aerobic prowess to accumulate 20 touches and 5 marks in a huge job-security boosting performance.

Duds

Doch (79) – Weird, strange, abnormal, mystifying and better be an anomaly Doch.

Bruhn (43) – Oh Tanner. That was proper pus! Can’t say I even saw the on the field… After a bitta preseason hype he is slowly drifting off into complete fantasy irrelevance.

Cowan (40) – Grrrrr. I’m still a believer in Cowan but naturally the patience is waning! A few more cheap +6’s wouldn’t go astray for the long haired yahoo.

Brisbane vs Melbourne

Studs

Oliver (149) –

Dorko (116) – Mr Boom-Bust up to his usual tricks again it would seem in 2023! 116 in 54% game time – huge from the wee man. Coaches would have been frustrated that he did not return after the power outage but I’d say thanks Fages for saving you an almost certain forced injury trade with his spaghetti strings.

Ashcroft (90) – The kid can play. 31 possessions in just game two if you don’t mind! 24% of the comp completely clueless.

Duds

McCluggage (69) – 21 touches, only 69 points?! C’mon man. Imagine picking this guy at >$900K as a POD and he has gone and averaged 60 over the first two weeks! Sacrilege.

Rich (48) – Really Rich? I can think of a rhyming word to describe that performance…

McVee (26) – M10/utility at best. You wouldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him for an on-field position!

Max (4) –

Collingwood vs Port Adelaide

Studs

N.Daicos (117) – “Oh yeah look out for the tags” (every dumbass who doubted Daics – yours truly included). Port tried to tag Daicos and he ran riot with 9 touches in Q1. So they thought, f*ck it, he can run around and do whatever he pleases again! In all seriousness, you gotta appreciate greatness and there is every prospect that Peter Daicos ends up being the 3rd best Daicos when it is all said and done… Flabbergasting!

Cameron (109) – Nice Cammo! Solid as a rock after getting off to a flyer… Proving that he can still score well with big Cox in the side. Cheeky draft slider for those on board!

Duds

Port Adelaide Football Club –

CONFIRMED: The AFL had two power outages in as many days.

When your top fantasy scorer is an over-rated blonk with random texta on his arms who is defrauding your club 10% of your cap, you know it’s a bad day! Gee I wouldn’t want to be Nat, Berretts, Eddie or even the Cash Cow on this week… Prepare for hours of Kochie salt! #Prisonbars

De Goey (67) –

Crom vs Richmond

Studs

Desk Rig (142) – “Don’t trade your premos” never resonated more… He’s a season long keeper so the fact Laird is “bleeding cash” is kinda irrelevant. Sucks to suck if you traded out the best in the business.

Taranto (108) – Let’s just say… Thank f*ck fantasy points are not deducted by sh*t kicking! Absolute ball magnet is T.Taranto and just when you think he has drifted out of the game he puts together a 10-15 point spree in 3-5 mins. Fantasy gold!

Dawson (101) – Talk about a rescue mission! Daws was very quiet in the first half before lifting big time. He’s probably a pretty safe 100 given how much they like the nurrie in his hands!

Samson Ryan (57) – The big dawg with his first official Fantasy score in the positives! Can’t say I thought this day would ever come when he tossed up a –2 in 2021. Genuinely hard to do!

Duds

Bolton (64) – IF you haven’t cottoned on to the fact that Shai boy is not a fantasy player… THEN, enjoy your 100,000+ ranking.

St Kilda vs Western Bulldogs

Studs

Steele (118) – Legend. Folks, he was playing through a broken collarbone so if you had any doubt over whether the guy is tough here is your answer. It’s a forced trade but blimey it could’ve been a whole lot worse. The type of commitment we need but don’t deserve!

English (117) – The 2m ghost back at it off to a flying start again! Two round average of 116 takes us back to last season when Speakano English dominated early… Let’s just hope he has a clean bill of health this time around!

Marshall (116) – It was a good night to be a big dog with Marshall getting his lick of the ice-cream with a nice stat line of 20 touches, 6 marks and 4 tackles!

Sinclair (110) – Never. In. Doubt. I earmarked this in the preaseason… St Kilda have six of their first eight fixtures under the roof and I expect Sincs to continue to cash in on ‘The Marvel Effect.’ Just a lazy 33 for the laconic, large calved, flowing mulleted specimen.

Caminiti (79) – Hammer time alright! Quickly becoming a cult hero after getting picked up from a practice game. Incredible story and coaches who jumped on will be cock-a-hoop.

Duds

Macrab Macrae (73) –

Dale (62) – Slenderman doing everything in his power to avoid Sherrin and frustrate coaches far and wide… Seriously Bailey? Not even an 80 in the pristine conditions that are offered at Marvel?!

Phillipou (42) – I like this kid but 42 points with 3 goals is not ideal… If you’ve got the likes of Pedlar and/or Chandler I’d be inclined to field them ahead of Mattaes.

Freo vs Norf

Studs

Sheezel (127) –

LDU (123) – 3 votes… L. Davies-Uniacke. And get used to it, this bloke is a genius.

Brayshaw (120) – Speaking of geniuses… This could’ve easily been more for Bray after getting off to an absolute flyer! Top 8 mid without a shadow of a doubt.

Ryan (115) – Just quietly, Luke Ryan is the form player of the competition right now with an average of 135.5! Pig-like numbers and 5% of the comp sh*tting all over the rest of us!

Serong (115) – Caleb has always had this in him but has not been able to produce consistently. Could this be a coming of age season for the young lad? Only time will tell… At <$800K, good bang for your buck!

Ziebell (109) – Hahahaha honestly filthy. Is there any greater joy as a Ziebell owner than witnessing a Norf player ignore any productive option forward of the ball to chip sideways to the Z-bull for the cheapest of +6’s? Right up there.

Duds

Darcy (61) – Surely no one actually picked the guy with the impending arrival of Luke Jackson?! It’s a no from me.

Brodie (60) – Huh? Coaches can count their lucky stars that Will waited until 2023 to dish up this tripe. I can’t remember him scoring this low last season when most of us needed him?

Young (52) – Give a guy a pump up and this is what he does to you! Utter garbage, I’m Haydone blowing smoke up your ass.

Goldstein (45) – What nightmares are made of. It was as if Goldy had feet for hands on Saturday night, dropping multiple absolute sodas on his way to a meagre 45… Imagine if he didn’t have 27 hit outs.

Comben (19) – Holy f*ck for Norf’s sake when is the Xerri bomb back?! Words I thought I’d never type…

Sydney vs Hawthorn

Studs

Mills (109) – Reliable, dependable, trustworthy, predictable, honest. Gun!

Moore (109) – Dynamic Dyl continues to pop up all over the ground with his unique pairing of speed off the mark and elite endurance… Imagine if he got some CBA’s! 2023 already in the deepfreeze surely time to shuffle the magnets around Sam Mitchell?

Errol (104) – Despite the piss poor opponent, first of many tons in 2023 I’d suspect from Errol! This could have easily been more – plenty of times he was lurking around the footy and not used.

Day (92) – If there was ever an example of how important it is to take note of a player’s role, here it is! Day is being trusted across half-back with stints on-ball… Arguably the two juiciest fantasy roles in the game and for a mid-pricer he has been super consistent over the first few weeks!

Duds

Warner (61) – This blokes haaaaates an easy fixture as much as Mitchell hates players over the age of 21… He failed to ton up in three outings vs Norf and the Traffic Cones last year and went at an average of a tick above 70! Counterfeit.

Rowbottom (58) –

Mackenzie (44) – Tough on a young fella but gee Cam struggled against the bigger-bodied Swannies midfield. The good news? You’d think his spot is safe and he is capable of going 80+. Hold.

Essendon vs Gold Coast

Studs

Setterfield (130) – Wowee! Proving that his 122 last weekend was no fluke. Setterfield of 2023 is one to take seriously… 5% of the comp with a huge leg up on the rest.

Redman (103) – Back to back tons is a very attractive proposition at <$800K… We know how much Redman loves Marvel but unfortunately they will only return twice in the next 11 fixtures.

Constable (81) – Very nice from the K-mart version of Jesse Sands. He’s kicking in and pigging out on cheap +6’s! As coaches we love to see it.

Duds

Maretin Martin (42) – Thank you for waiting until 2023 to dish up this utter horsesh*t, Nic.

Perkins (31) – Another guy I pumped up last week… thank f*ck I don’t actually own the dude. Note to self: Never put the mozz on any of my players every again!

Uwland (27) –

West Coast vs BWS

Studs

Cogs (103) – Had about 38 in the first 20 mins so slowed down considerably but still saluted for his second ton in as many games!

T.Kelly (102) – Can’t remember the last time T.Kelly featured as a “stud” (let alone any glorified traffic cone…) Says a lot really! Weagles fans will be happy that he hit some form on Sunday evening.

Duds

Witherden (58) – Enigma. Witho has days where he channels his inner Jack Ziebell and then other days where he loses all concept of how to footy… Anxiety-inducing!

Himmelberg (39) – The role stinks and so does Harry’s scoring… Hope you didn’t secure his services as a “draft slider”.

Long (34) – A long way down the pecking order at the Eagles… Minor miracle if the young lad holds his spot! Borderline deadweight.

Chesser (27) – Speaking of down the pecking order! Although I don’t think many thought Chesser would be as sh*t as this. A disgrace to the CC initials. Absolute eye sore for anyone running with a roasted spud at D6.

The Juggernaut Review

2048.

Unsurprisingly, chalked up my first L of the season to a team by the name of “Degoey’s NYC Charade”. Surprisingly, no sign of De Goey in this squad – would’ve given me a sniff if so! Got up in my most important league so that’s all that matters right? 😜

Fantasy is a strange game… In what universe is Harry Sheezel averaging 28 more points than Docherty and 32 more points than Jackson Macrab over the first two weeks?! Incredible from the young fella but any danger of showing some semblance of reliability big dogs? Before you ask, yes I’ll back them in. They are bona fide premo guns of our great game and we know how the Laird sitch played out…

On Laird, those who actually traded him – I’d love to get some insight into what it’s like to have a brain the size of a 20c piece! On behalf of the rest of the fantasy community, thank you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for mincing a precious trade.

All roasts aside, our squads should be starting to settle. We’ve had a couple of weeks to size up the field and make those fix up trades on the rookie front and on anyone else we missed! Oh also, the byes are 10 weeks away – but don’t get too caught up in them just yet. Get your best team out on the paddock and deal with that in a few weeks! Lets just hope our rooks can hold strong and everyone stays in one piece… Carnage is potentially less than 72 hours away!

So how did we all go in R2? Any Max owners thrown the toys out of the cot? Let me know in the comments below!

Best of luck for next week legends!

Yours in fantasy,

Fantasy fanatic #70