Well, we thought round 7 brought us carnage… Try round 8 – carnage on steroids, panadol rapid ‘Optizorb’, magic shrooms and everything else toxic under the sun. “I’ve got 8 out this week” should not be synonymous with round 8! Imagine how we’re going to go in the byes if this continues – f*ck me sideways.
8 down, 15 to go… Must be time for The Weekend That Was!
Port vs Western Bulldogs
Macrae (110) – Can’t keep a man of Macca’s quality down for too long… Back to his old tricks with 32 disposals and 6 marks. Very borderline VC loop score – for those that did it, did you bank the 220?
Boak (110) – Star. Age is no barrier for Trav who continues to chalk up tons for fun! He’s averaging 112 to the 8 round mark! Staking his claim as a top 8-10 mid and is only owned by 3% of the competition.
Rozee (67) – Mid role, tick. Any resemblance of Fantasy scoring ability, cross.
Houston (64) – Gee, it must unsettle owners knowing that you’ve selected a guy that can go 130+ but can then so easily hit you with a dogsh*t 60…
Butters (63) – Argghhh you annoying little man… Zac, you’re lucky everyone has about 54635 forced trades or your ownership would be 0.0%. Clown.
Dunkley (62) – Put simply, the man got Bevo’d*! Nice Luke, let’s just d*ck around with the magnets and take Josh out of a role he has been dominating! I barely recall Dunks attending a centre bounce and of course they go on and lose… This role change may have come about with Bont being managed so hopefully an anomaly. Also, 1000% you’re holding!
*FYI ‘Bevo’d’ is a term coined to describe when Bulldogs coach Luke Beveridge dicks around with the magnets and changes his players role in the side consistently – generally to fantasy coaches detriment! Some may say it now fits the bill when describing ‘journo abuse…’
Freo vs Norf
Brayshaw (134) – No surprises here! After a season low 83 last week, Bray reminded everyone why his price-tag was pushing towards $1m. Jet in every sense of the word!
Darcy (124) – Freo are flying and big Darcy has just started to hit his straps over the past few weeks… He was the ‘when you order a big ruck dog on wish’ in 2021. Could he go one better and break in to the top-2 in season 2022?
Brodie (104) – His time on ground is still disgusting… but it doesn’t matter when you eat contested possessions for breakfast! Was always a hold with a favourable match-up of Norf at home – incredible to think a guy priced in the $300,000’s has been just about our safest bet of the season… With carnage all around him, Brodes has continued to get the job done for his coaches (45% of the comp)!
Ryan (65) – Two first names and now four scores <65… Yikes!
Ziebell (37) – Honestly… if you’re an owner you are beyond caring at this point! If you still somehow own the guy time to chuck 2022 in the deepfreeze!
Sydney vs Gold Coast
Fiorini (118) – Hard to fathom how this bloke has been in and out of the Gold Coast side… He has never had any issue finding the pill and had a field day with 29 disposals, 7 marks and 4 tackles.
Lloyd (109) – That’s how you respond to an almighty spray Jakey! You can see why this man has been a mainstay in our teams for yonks until this season… Hopefully will kickstart a good run of tons leading into the byes – he owes us a few! We know he is more than capable of peeling of 100+ on the regular.
McCartin (86) – Wow… if ever the word ‘kissed’ applied to anything in Fantasy footy it was this. Those forced to hold (the Juggernauts included!), enjoy the upcoming cash gen! Might well hold Paddy a few more weeks now! Was taking grabs for fun and most importantly had no lingering issues from his head knock a couple weeks back.
Mills (76) – This was set up perfectly for Callum… Favourable match-up, at home on a gorgeous Sydney afternoon. Then he proceeded to do diddly squat for his coaches! Hugely underwhelming but don’t go sideways trading…
Heeney (67) – That’s 2×60’s in the last three weeks for Heen… hopefully you didn’t jump on the bandwagon 3 weeks ago! Kicked 0.3 so this could have easily been a more respectable 85-90 for him.
Rowell (58) –
Rosas (23) – Rosas are red, violets are blue, another horsesh*t score, that’s the end of you.
Richmond vs Collingwood
Lynch (140) – Gee the Traffic Cones played good ol Lynchy into form and he rode the momentum with another huuuuge performance! 25 disposals, 11 marks, 6 goals and 3 votes T.Lynch.
Crisp (111) – Word association: stability, safety, dependable, reliable, consistent – all things Fantasy coaches need in the midst of absolute chaos. Just a bonafide superstar of the comp who I still think is criminally underrated!
Daicos (83) – Gets a mention as he was crook all week with whispers he would be a late out… The kind of ticker we need with so many out with Flurona, pea heart and stubbed toes.
De Goey (63) –
Gibcus (44) – Bitta deja vu about this… Finally back to the reality of 30’s and 40’s that so many more coaches had become accustomed to over the first month! There’s still cash to be made so I wouldn’t rush pulling the trigger.
BWS vs Geelong
Duncan (124) – Vintage Duncs! Basically had a wing to himself all game with BWS’ defence resembling swisse cheese. 33 touches and 12 marks! Value is there at $728K, we know what he is capable of on his day.
Stengle (114) – Did someone say ‘kissed’? This is another perfect example of exactly that for coaches that were forced to hold! Much like McCartin, you may as well cash in and hold until the byes now!
De Koning (65) – Woooooahhhhhh! SDK goes massive baby. He even had a run in the ruck and racked up a (dare I say it) cheap +6!! Thanks for coming to the party 6 weeks too late Goldilocks.
Kelly (85) – Other than a 134 last week, Kelly has had a pretty ordinary season from a Fantasy perspective! 5/8 of his scores have been <100 and 7/8 have been <105… Hopefully you didn’t cop the stitch up of starting with him!
Cogs (65) – Hard to fathom how the Giants pulled a 7-year contract worth $7m out of their ass for this man… Mid/Fwds are a dime a dozen these days! Another mistake that we’ll all be forced to hold.
Hamilton (44) – Everything was looking rosey at HT when Cooper headed into the main break with a solid 38. His second half was about as cold as the weather in Canberra on Saturday evening.
Essendon vs Hawthorn
Parish (131) – A midfielder feasting on bulk fantasy points vs Hawthorn?! You wouldn’t read about it… The ball magnet racked up another 32 disposals, 6 marks, 7 tackles and a goal. Coaches will love those tackle numbers and we know Parish can go bonkers when he puts it all together!
Newcombe (105) – This really has been a meteoric rise from Jai since he was picked up in the 2021 mid-season draft. The big-bodied bull racked up another 28 disposals and 8 marks in another impressive display. He now averages 87 and has gained $259K since the start of the season.
Alpha Martin (104) – What a week for our man! Signs contract extension, gets face on AFL Fantasy, proceeds to pump out an elite Fantasy ton. At this point he’s looking like a long term keeper… I can think of at least 17 other spuds I’d be ditching before Alpha at this point.
Hobbs (95) – Boy oh boy a week is a looooong time in footy… This time last week I was roasting Benny coming off an insipid 30 and in jeopardy of heading back to the 2’s. Owners who kept the faith will be over the moon with a performance that will significantly bolster his cash generation and job security. Even spent some time on-ball in the last quarter – great signs!
Mitchell (51) – No longer the pig… More like the bacon you leave out of the fridge all week! Doesn’t help when he is not as prominent as a mid but it’s a tough pill to swallow for those who thought they were getting on an ‘under-priced premo’.
Worpel (46) – Plays with about half as much substance(s) as an eshay at a music festival… Hope you aren’t stuck with him in draft!
Brisbane Lions vs Traffic Cones WAFL Colts
McLuggage (141) – Barely got out of second gear in what was an elementary p*sstake of a training run for Hugh. 26 disposals, 10 tackles, 4 goals! Wowzers!
Zorko (132) – Mr Boom-Bust himself back at it with a big 130+! Riddle me this… the man still doesn’t have a score 56 and 109 but averages 91. Can now be selected as a defender – verrrrry tempting.
Hurn (115) – Now here’s a West Coast player who can hold his head high… They say a mark of a true leader is how they perform when the chips are down. 27 touches, 8 marks and 4 tackles to the veteran.
Gaff (68) – Did someone say ‘trade bait’? Seems happy to just lope around as a seagull on the outside of packs with little desire to do anything hard nor defensive. It was only 4-5 years ago when Gaff was pumping out 110+ on the regular… worlds apart!
Rayner (61) – Cameron Rayner and appearing in the ‘duds’ section of The Weekend That Was. Synonymous. Had a typical ‘dud’ moment on the stroke of half-time when a certain goal went begging as he played on around the corner as the siren went…
Dixon (-) – Hahaha how in the f*ck do you get omitted when the club has 21 AFL-listed players available for selection?! They’ve literally got top-ups they’d prefer to play over this mega spud! Flabbergasting.
St Kilda vs Melbourne
Langdon (140) – Probably one of the most under-rated players in the comp is the Freo reject. 39 disposals, 8 marks and probably covered 20km with 6kms of ‘zone 6’ running! Endurance beast!
Brayshaw (123) – Just quietly… the guy averages 99 and can be selected as a defender. As I’ve learnt with Sic Dawg, no matter how much someone has shat all over you in the past, you’ve gotta take the bias out of your trading strat! Bray has literally destroyed seasons, tempting coaches with huge scores as a mid then turning into a crab when everyone jumps on him as an ‘under-priced’ gem! Are you game?
Petracca and Oliver (119 and 118) – Legends. Standard 36 and 38 disposals day for the two midfield lynchpins! They’ve gotta be on your radar with that favourable R14 bye.
Crouch (115) – I don’t think many coaches are paying close attention to Crouch who is quietly flying under the radar with an average of 102! Had 59 in the first quarter alone and clearly has not lost his ability to find the pill. 1.44% ownership… cheeky POD anyone?
Gawn (67) – It was as if Big Max had feet for hands on a sunny Sunday arvo in Melbourne… dropping soda after soda in what can only be described as an exhibition of butterfingers. Anomaly, but nice for non-owners who may actually be able to get to get to him after his price bottoms out!
Marshall (63) – Ryder in the side = reduced output for Marshall. Simples.
Bowey (52) – Can’t believe we got sucked in to this little ranga midget spud after dropping a 125 in round 2 against the Suns… Genuine passenger who probably sits down to do a wee… Kissed on the d*ck with beasts of all shapes and sizes around him and now has 15 wins from 15 starts!
Adelaide vs Carlton
Curnow (138) – The man hasn’t dropped below 60 since that R1 debacle of 31. Has quietly added $272K to his starting price and averages the same as the little haemorrhoid himself Z.Butters.
Cripps (130) – Did you know? If you take out Crippa’s injury affected 36 he averages a ludicrous 125! You can still get him for relative value at $858K – now or never really. Adelaide tried to run with him but Crippa is just a different beast in 2022. Unstoppable.
Dawson (128) – This was brewing for some time… Finally it all came together for the lethal left footer with 30 disposals, 10 marks and a looooooooong unloaded bomb from downtown! I’ve said it before, but Daws is the kicker in that side and benefited with Brodie Smith out.
Doch (116) – 3 consecutive tons to Doch in a typically clean and efficient display. 30 touches and 10 marks – bank him as a top 6 defender.
Williams (64) – No idea why I am still giving this guy a run in these articles… More ‘dud’ performances than he’s got sh*t tattoos!
ROB (61) –
Frampton (60) – Oh dear Billy… gee he got absolutely pantsed by Curnow! If ever you needed an example of social distancing just have this bloke’s performance on repeat the rest of your life.
Matty Nicks and M.Crouch (-) – Dead to me the both of you. Period.
The Juggernaut Review
1977. Insipid. Probably a word that will come to mind of many a coach when reflecting on this week. Somehow improved my rank by 300 (not that that’s something to crow about!) and got 3/3 league wins!
Unfortunately, this does not deflect from the fact that every time I log in I see at least 2 forced trades and a handful of floating turds occupying a spot in my side! Hewy’s 1 week ‘corky’ is magically going to turn into 3-4 weeks, Xerri’s at least another two weeks away and then there’s the little p*ssant himself Z.Butters occupying F2… At least our lord saviour Greg Clark will return this week!
We are now just 3 short weeks away from the dreaded byes! If you’re even remotely a shot at the Hilux I’d suggest having at least one eye on the byes when trading from now to then. Some leagues may play head-to-head matches through the byes… There are also round prizes up for grabs for those whose rank is down the gurgler (look no further than yours truly!) in 2022!
Thanks again legends and flex how you went in the comments!
Yours in Fantasy,
Fantasy Fanatic #70