Round 24… The final hurrah in another typically topsy-turvy season in fantasy land! Hopefully you cashed in on some uuuuuge individual scores to finish off season 2023 on a high with perhaps some (metaphoric) silverware to put in the cabinet. Congratulations are in order for thousands of coaches who got the W while thousands of others will be heading into Mad Monday wondering what could have been.

Without further ado, here is your final edition of ‘The Weekend That Was’ for season 2023!

Collingwood vs Essendon

Studs

Merrett (146) – Hahaha when you’re asked to define pisstake without using the word pisstake. Went massive in the second half when the Pies had all but put the cue in the rack! 36 touches and 11 marks to cap off another elite fantasy season for Z.Merrett.

Mitchell (115) – A man whose been there done that in many an AFL fantasy grand final… Result was all but locked in 20 minutes into the game but Titch went that extra mile for his coaches!

Parish (112) – Nice, really nice! 88% time on ground is high for an inside mid but coaches were cheerin’ as Darcy racked up another 29 touches and 9 tackles.

Tippa (14) – Yeah it’s a terrible score but well done on a great career, Walla!

Duds

Cameron (68) – A fortuitous goal in the dying stages saved this from being his second worst score of the season… For the hype he had mid-season, Cammo only managed four tons in 16 games and averaged 84!

Perkins (32) –

Hawthorn vs Freo

Studs

Brayshaw (134) and Serong (120) – Finn who??? The majority of us owners of either one or both went into this fixture with some trepidation thinking one of their seasons was finnished. What ensued was utter domination from the two studs in purple!

Dyl Moore (127) – A snapshot of what Dynamic Dyl can do on his day! Imagine if he played midfield… Imagine!

Duds

Jackson (80) – So potentially not make or break but you need everyone firing on all cylinders in the Big Dance… Jacko’s form as the #1 ruck the last fortnight has not been anywhere near the giddy heights of the weeks prior!

Henry (61) – Yuck, probably already on footy trip…

Norf vs Gold Coast

Studs

Larkey (162) – Wowee Souva! Not sure if he’s got something against Harley Reid but that was tapped Nick. 71 goal season in a side who missed the spoon by a bee’s dick is some effort!

Flanders (146) –

Simpkin (123) – After copping the almighty rev up from yours truly last week… Responded perfectly! 29 and a goal to Jy to end the season on a high!

Rowell (120) – So where was this eight weeks ago when I needed you Rowelly??? Argh anyway, hopefully gets a hold of a 3 park superpass for his efforts!

Duds

Genuinely no one relevant… I guess Norf deserve a mention for coughing up their shot at Harley Reid? I’m sure Harley will be over the moon… You never know they may still land him?! Only time will tell!

St Kilda vs Brisbane Lions

Studs

Marshall (132) – Beast mode: Activated. And has been activated since post R1 tbh… Since that 72, Marshy has gone under 96 points in a game once! Just once. Incredible stuff!

Zorko (121) – Arghh… The bloke is as annoying as eating soup with a fork but yeah okay credit where credit is due! Thankfully now has two weeks to rest up those soft tissues and spaghetti strings!

Duds

Dunkley (78) – The exact reverse of peaking at the right time of the season from Dunks… One score above 81 throughout the finals series! Thank f*ck everyone else had him.

Wanganeen-Milera (73) – Mmmm… Fair to say Nas did not benefit from Sincs in the back six taking all the kick-ins but sometimes when the going gets tough you just gotta find a way Nas!

Steele (67) –

That 67 sticks out like Dogs balls, Steeley. I’m not angry, just disappointed.

Cats vs Dogs

Studs

Isaac Smith (160) – Vintage Issy! Realistically he could have played another year down at the Kardinia retirement village… All old man gags aside, gratz on a great career Smithy!

Treloar (131) –

Libba (127) – I’d almost go as far as saying: No Libba (or Bont), no Bulldogs. A heart and soul kind of guy. To average 103 even with an injury affected 22 is an incredible season which I feel has been criminally underrated!

Bont (125) – Genius. Hard to think the Dogs miss the finals after such a dominant individual season… Another 31 touches and 10 tackles!

Stew (118) – Stew bewdy! 105 points alone in kicks and marks. Geelong’s lacklustre ball movement suiting Stewwy’s fantasy game to a tee!

Duds

Daniel (69) – The wee man synonymous to an enigma this season… He showed shades of brilliance with a ton run, had scores under 40 and then some military mediocrity in between! Challenged in more ways than just vertically.

Dale (63) – Tbf he just never really got going in 2023… 3rd best Bailey on the list and certainly not #1 on the circuit.

West Coast vs Crom

Studs

Tex (164) – My word that was tapped, just about capping off the season with a Texas 10! Gotta say it was a bold tactic from Gov and co. to sag off Tez and let him run rings around them… Anyone who captained has the largest nurries going around!

Kelly (111) – Make that 3/4 tons for TK over the fantasy finals! Probable BnF by default?

Desk Pig (110) – In the Desk Pig we trust. 39 to the half time break, a ton was still never in doubt. Another brilliant season from Lairdy!

Duds

Crouch (74) – Shades of 2022 in this performance… He had 31 disposals and 74 points! Has to be some kind of record for points per possession??? Made a hash of what should have been a piss easy matchup!

Port vs Richmond

Studs

Rozee (138) – Rozee Royce back at it again with a chart topping 130+. Starting to become fairly standard in the world of Connor! Love your work.

Houston (119) – After all the disclaimers and warnings about the psychological and heart-related side effects of owning one D.Houston, yours truly went there! You wouldn’t read about it! My theory was he is coming off a 60 so a ‘high’ is all but certain. Cheers Dan, potentially your only week ever in John’s Juggernauts but you’ve done enough to come on footy trip!

Slim Dusty (113) – Can’t believe I am saying this but Dusty has low key flown under the radar in the back half of this season! He didn’t have a score below 90 after the byes and this week he didn’t need anyone to retire to turn it on!

Duds

Taranto (69) –

Horney Horne-Dawg (46) – Oh Hornet. I know you’re young but your ability to go completely missing in a game of football is truly unique! 13 touches and 0.2 for a guy playing majority on ball – hope you didn’t have him for 15+ disposals in your multi?

Sydney vs Melbourne

Studs

Mills (155) – Hahahaha dead to me and the hundreds of spud merchants who picked you on name alone only to realise your role sucks ass and give you the flick… He did help me to a cap so I’ll always have a soft spot for Pills, Thrills – I don’t speak for everyone though!

Errol (142) – Hard to conceive that this bloke is only 21… I reckon when it’s all said and done he is a multiple All-Australian and wins bulk BnF’s for fun! Another fatal mistake from yours truly to not jump on one of the most obvious starting selections in living memory.

Viney (129) – Actual gun. Doesn’t often get much of a run in the media or fantasy teams alike but he’s hard as a cat’s head and as durable as they come!

Duds

Max (74) – Not sure what happened here? Anyone watching care to clear things up? I did see JVR had 15 hitouts so perhaps he attended more ruck contests to preserve Gawn for a couple weeks?

Campbell (22) – “One of the best kicks in the game…” Doesn’t matter when you have one more kick than you have aggots, Braeden.

Carlton vs GWS

Studs

Whitfield (119) – Vintage Whit. Probably covered a casual 18km and fair to say Carlton could not go with him! 32 touches and 7 marks to finish the fantasy season on a high.

Kelly (111) – *Cue the bronx cheers* Finally decides to pull his finger out but for many coaches it was a case of too little, too late!

Cogs (107) –

Fisher (70) – Horsesh*t fantasy score but thank you for slotting that late goal – from a Sainters supporter!

Duds

Newman (82) – I guess he is only Newman after all… Not what coaches who paid up were looking for. He just never really got going with 25 touches and a lowly 4 marks!

Hulk Hogan (44) – Takes his average to 116 in the last fortnight… Yeah, you do the quick maffs!

The Juggernaut Review

2484.

Enough to get to the Holy Grail in one of two leagues and enough to keep my rank from slipping into the five digit mark! Fair to say my team paled into the fantasy equivalent of a participation trophy as the season progressed.

Fun fact: Two of my three worst ranked seasons have come since the establishment of fantasy-fanatic… Might be a bit in that!

I mean, imagine not owning Errol f*cking Gulden all season… The self-proclaimed fantasy fanatic could not see what Stevie Wonder could have seen with his eyes closed! Anyhow, I’m starting to sound like a hindsight hero of which there’ll be plenty after another season of ups and downs across the board. The “one-hit wonder” definition will remain living rent free in my head for another season.

Massive shoutouts are in order to all victorious coaches out there – you are now the hunted but footy trip with the boys will be white hot!

Special shoutout to one Hesham Alamyar and ‘Heshy’s 16’ for his victory in the highly publicised, averagely competitive CC league. An incredible effort given the utter clown factory you were running with just three short seasons ago mate. Even the fantasy equivalent of ASADA have ticked off this victory!

As a wise man once said “You’ve smashed the glass ceiling for nuffies across the nation.” I couldn’t have said it better myself, Laff! To the cellar dwellers far and wide, I’m looking at you (you know who you are) to channel your inner Heshy and get off the canvas next season.

Big congrats also to Darren C and his ‘Wise Ocean PODs’ for being the undisputed king of fantasy for 2023 racking up 55,020 points to drive away a phresh toyota Hilux! He’ll go by ‘Big Wheels’ from now.

And so comes to an end another season of Fantasy footy. Massive shoutout to all my loyal followers and those new to my website this season – I appreciate you getting around my content more than you’d think! Make sure you stay tuned for some bonus off-season content… On that, if you have any elite content ideas, I’m all ears!

Bring on 2024!

Thanks again legends and for the final time in 2023, flex how you went in the comments!

Yours in Fantasy,

Fantasy Fanatic #70