Round 17… A largely fruitful weekend for coaches as we push toward ‘complete’ squads! A couple of key injuries did throw a spanner in the works for those who thought they had fool proof early plans.

As always, plenty of rant and rave about!

17 down 7 to go… Must be time for The Weekend That Was!

Richmond vs Sydney

Studs

Gulden (126) – Gun. You can see how this guy racks ’em up every week… You’ll be lucky to see two wingers in the same postcode whether on offence or defence. Another 31 touches and a goal in a clinical performance in the wet!

Nank (110) – More kicks than he has brain cells… Unluggy for any Lloooooooyd owners!

Bolton (107) – Elite. Fantasy fluctuations aside this guy has got to be one of the most watchable in the league with his speed and talent! One of Richmond’s most valuable players.

Duds

Rioli (64) – Not his conditions but you’ve just got to do better, Dan.

Sheldrick (46) – For those fielding, all it deserved. For those hoping for decent cover for Dunks, did you actually take it?

Lloyd (38) – Stiff. Proper stiff. Played 24% of the game so there was every chance this score was headed for triple figures! Will be a massive headache midweek for coaches following the massive price drop!

Western Bulldogs vs Collingwood

Studs

Daniel (116) – Staking his claim as a top-6 defender is the midget attack dawg! Showing us all again that size doesn’t matter (at least on the footy field..).

Bont (114) – This score was actually his average… Bonkers!

N.Daicos (112) – Ridiculous. For those who tuned in, he literally stole the ball of Jezza Howe at one point, got a handball then received it back and got +4 for the free kick! Genuinely extracting piss.

Dependlebury (93) – Legend. For those who missed it, Pendles now holds the AFL record for most disposals ever with 14609745904309 disposals! It’s something closer to 9,700 which is actually tapped when you think about it. Congrats, Pendles.

Duds

Treloar (75) – F*cking passenger. When your order ‘Josh Dunkley’ on wish…

Sm(n)iff (43) –

Brisbane vs West Coast

Studs

Neale (125) – Classic Neale. Didn’t really have any reason to try but turned a low ton into a 120+ in the last 5-10 minutes of game time! Legend.

Hunt (124) – Onya chief. About 3 months too late.

Duggan (116) – So… Just quietly, Duggan averages 115 over the past five weeks which puts him will in the frame of the top 6 defenders. If you need a POD I’d tick it off!

Luggage (115) – After a tease of a season, is the Luggage finally rolling? Backed up 116 with 115 this week in an elite fortnight! The CBA numbers are promising…

Ashcroft (113) –

Hough (111) and Witherden (105) – Chipping it around in the back half was the order of the day for the Weagles and Hough and Witherden cashed in big time! Not sure how helpful any of there possessions were…

Lyons (110) – Deserves a shout out coming in as a like for like for Josh Dunkley and racking up 29. Many forgot that this bloke averaged 117 in 2019! Man can fantasy.

Duds

Zorko (55) – 0.8% ownership… Surely these coaches intentionally trying to win the spoon in their leagues? Reminder that you don’t get any draft picks or compensation for being shit.

Gaff (30) – Weooooow. A has been that will be remembered for clocking a defenceless young fella.

GWS vs Hawthorn

Studs

Cogs (136) – Ceiling baby! To put this into perspective, Cogs’ next best team mate hit a 95 (Briggsy). Was playing a different game to the rest of them finishing with 30 touches, 8 marks and 3 goals!

Duds

Himmelberg (75) – It was a dogsh*t fantasy game and unfortunately it was no different for H.Himmelberg. 4 frees against didn’t help his cause but blimey coaches would have been hoping for more!

Green (69) – Well, he was pox in July last year… It’s a hold for now but Greeny owners will be watching him closely next week.

Kelly (30) – What the actual f*ck happened here?! I had to do a double take when punching in these duds – that just about has to be Kelly’s worst of all time. He had more tackles that he had kicks! You wouldn’t read about it.

Impey (23) –

St Kilda vs Melbourne

Studs

Marshall (148) – Marshall: 30 touches and 10 marks. Grawndy: 29 touches and 9 marks. An absolute freakshow from big Ro!

Steele (146) –

Wanganeen-Milera (130) – I cast my mind back to late 2021 when Nas, the SA product was taken by St Kilda at pick #11, ignoring local product and Vic Metro captain Josh Sinn who eventually went at #12 to Port. We fast forward a couple seasons and I think the Saints will rest easy knowing they got this one right!

Sinclair (110) – LFG Sinclair! The eye candy has found form with a 5 round average of 110. As a wise man once said: Delicious!

Duds

Pickett (26) – Idk must have been flat he missed out on first round of Tay Swift tickets???

Port vs Gold Coast

Studs

Ando (104) – Solid as a rock Ando. Make that five tons on the trot for Noah, who is quietly flying under the radar putting up numbers every week!

Rozee (103) – In another very average fantasy scoring game, Rozee was having none of it posting Port’s only ton! 28 touches, 6 marks and 2 snags for the champion.

Duds

Horney Horne-Dawg (37) – Riddle me this: You enter a “more stable” environment, your team has just chalked up 13 dubs on the trot… Yet you can’t find your willie for a wee let alone a Sherrin on a 160m field!

Geelong vs Norf

Studs

Duncan (128) – Okay so we all know the risks of selecting a guy like Duncan, but my word when he is good he is really good! 30 touches, 8 marks and a goal in a brilliant all round performance.

LDU (122) – Back into the side and may be straight back out with bung shoulders carrying another 20-odd passengers.

Stewart (111) – After another sluggish start, Stew clawed things back to notch a hat trick of tons! Mr Reliable on so many fronts, no least AFL Fantasy.

Xerri (108) – The Xerri bomb is back! Shouldn’t be in any teams now but deserves a cheeky shoutout.

Duds

Sheez (52) –

Simpkin (23) – Might well just write off season 2023, Jy. This drop off can only be described as cataclysmic.

Essendon vs Crom

Studs

Merrett (150) – Epic. The Zach Merrett of 2023 is borderline unstoppable! In his last seven games, Zezza has chalked up 3×150+ scores. Pure shithousery!

Dawson (128) – Proper disgusting. Plays on ball and then when shit hits the fan, Nicksy drops him back behind the footy to rack up numbers! If ever the definition of ‘peak fantasy’ applied here it is.

Parish (126) – The magnet back at it again with a lazy 39 touches… 71% disposal efficiency actually not bhed by his standards!

Alpha Martin (117) – Gee Martin would be causing headaches amongst opposition coaches given his elite aerobic capacity as well as clean hands, good skills and ability to go forward and kick a goal. In summation, it is a recipe for success on the Fantasy front!

Desk Pig (116) – After an uncharacteristic slow start, the Desk Pig hit his straps in the second half to chalk up yet another 110+ score. In the Desk Pig we trust.

Duds

Hobbs (70) – This one hurts for those who continued to hold… Hopefully you cashed in this week to a comparative larger dawg!

Michalanney (22) – Speaking of dawgs… Maxxy seemed to be running around in circles aimlessly on Sunday arvo. Not sure what they’re spiking the in-flight teas/coffees with but it ain’t it!

Freo vs Carlton

Studs

Ryan (142) – Lovely! That’s 2×140+ scores in his last three matches. Ryano is warming nicely in the lead up to fantasy finals. Only thing I will flag is not every team they play against will have 4968934 inside 50’s and kick 14 points!

Darcy (124) – The big ruck dog! Back to back 120+ scores and a good time to be alive as a Sean Darcy owner!

Doch (115) –

Cerra (110) – Taking out the first five weeks of the season and Cerra has been up there with the biggest of the boys! Probably not getting the recognition he deserves with so many other mids vying for a top-8 position. Gun!

Duds

Johnson (41) – **** me! Seriously Longmuir… The one (and only) week to decide to field this sack of shite you proceed to sub him off. Arrrrgghhh anyway, this game shits me sometimes!

The Juggernaut Review

2390.

But this weekend is not about me.

IF you thought ‘Binny’s Bludgers’ dub a few weeks ago was a miracle,

THEN, anything is possible after this, anything!

Congratulations to the Chief Minister himself Scotty Wray (AKA Billy Frampton) and ‘Lukewarm Beveridge’ for what was surely their first win since establishment (whenever that was!). In what has been a decorated history filled with 500 point losses and enough donuts to feed Homer Simpson, round 17 2023 will go down in fantasy folklore.

To have Joshy Daicos and Will Day riding the pine with Wardlaw (DNP) and Issy Smith (DNP) on-field was a bold strategy requiring genuwine kahunas! About $4.2m riding the pine in what Caroline Wilson had reported midweek as undisputedly tanking. Granted, the bloke he was playing against (Tommy) also fielded the four donuts.

This inspired performance sets up a ‘spoon showdown’ for the ages between Scotty’s ‘Lukewarm Beveridge’ and Binny’s ‘Binny’s Bludgers’. With both teams 1-15, punters far and wide believe this will ultimately decide who brings up the rear in 2023. Thankfully lads, no relegation zones like the English Premier League!

With seven rounds to go, the finish line in nigh. 6 trades until we hit fantasy finals! For those teetering just outside the top 4 or top 8, make sure you’re not looking back saying “coulda, woulda, shoulda”. Your time is now – take calculated risks, look at match-ups and don’t hold anyone who is in doubt for more than one week!

So how did we all go in round 17? Flex your score in the comments below!

Best of luck next week legends!

Yours in fantasy,

Fantasy fanatic #70